the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
