I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
