She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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