What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
