The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
