I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
