i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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