So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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