so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
