Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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