no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
