Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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