everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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