oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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