I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
