Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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