two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
