Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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