i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
