remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
