There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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