I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
