This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
