How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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