I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
