I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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