Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
