i was rollin on her like bob the builder
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
