I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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