she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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