I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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