At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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