How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
