you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
