Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
