What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
