I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
