Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
