so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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