Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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