I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
