just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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