doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
