Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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