At least make sure they are 18
Why
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
