I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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