walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
