I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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