So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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