Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Of course I have a pirate flag
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
