is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My ass is underappreciated
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
