Need sex. Gaining weight.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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